hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
