I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
