That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my shit smells like andre
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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