Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
