You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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