i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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