I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
