Your mouth is God's brothel.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
