I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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