if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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