Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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