In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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