I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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