i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize