I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
