Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
