I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
