Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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