I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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