i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
