Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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