she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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