Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
