in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
