She is in my trunk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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