i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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