Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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