this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
