I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Too much gin, very little bucket
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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