I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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