If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
