what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
