hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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