you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
