Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
