DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
