Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no you cant smoke seaweed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
