Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
