Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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