i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
