So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
