come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
