he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
