i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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