Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
