Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
