Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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