I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
