Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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