we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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