Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
