I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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