New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
