We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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