So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
