I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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