Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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