thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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