I hate your face
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
