I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
