One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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