i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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