you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
