Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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