And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
