mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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