A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
