You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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