i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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