I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
