You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
