I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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