my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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